![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Last Monday of the Week - 2022-02-21
Feb. 21st, 2022 10:34 pm Posting / Writing Update
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Nothing to show for this past week. I'm like one scene into ch whatever the fuck of SMST and I have hit a brick wall for the ages. I'm attempting to course correct but I'm not sure what blow to my system is necessary to get me back on track. I have like the bones of a plan for what the next scenes in this SMST chapter need to be but I have not been able to just sit down and write. Like there is something wrong with my brain! Or at least feeling like something is wrong with my brain is a self fulfilling prophecy that makes me incapable. Idk. I'm miserable though lol.
Art Update
Drew a picture. It's fine. When I'm depressed I'm much more in the mood for painting b/c it's way easier to zone out during.
Media Update
Two things to report.
I read Spring Awakening (the play, not the musical). It was pretty good. I always forget how much I enjoy reading plays lol. They go by fast and they're fun to think about like "well how would I stage this" etc. In the case of this play, idfk how anyone stages it. It's lots of really short scenes.
Anyway the reason I read it is because I have had this idea of a short sidestory for WIAW, and a plot point of it involves a banned play. and one of the most famous german banned plays is Spring Awakening. I had been meaning to read it for a while anyway b/c it felt like a gap in my literary education. And when I reference Literature in my silly little fanfictions I do like to have read them for real. (When Yang and Kircheis had throwaway lines from the Odyssey, I did go and read that... and Iphigenia in Taurus for Annerose... etc.) I'm crawling on my hands and knees towards a well rounded classics education due to my desire to use classical allusions in my gay space opera fanfictions :p it's because in ItSoH I /can't/ use in-universe allusions like that, so I'm enjoying the chance to play around with IRL texts etc.
If I can find a reasonable filmed version, I'd like to see it played out also. Idk.
Other media news: I started watching Oniisama-e, not much to say about it though b/c I've only watched the first 3 eps. It's interesting so far even if I'm like, jeeze high school sucks and I'm so glad I'm not in it anymore. lmao.
Life Update
as you may be able to tell. things are not going so hot in the brain land. physically everything is fine. like my house is only medium disaster, i am ~leaving my house to do activities~, I'm trying to look at new and interesting things to activate pathways in the brain or whatever the fuck, my job is fine (I had my performance review: it was FINE), idk...
I think just for some reason I have become totally crushed and demoralized by what I perceive to be a bunch of failures on my part that literally probably nobody else cares about in the least. But I feel incapable of achieving anything the way I want to, no matter how hard I throw myself at the brick wall. it's also probably just that I'm lonely as fuck.
hm speaking of being lonely as fuck. my desire to try to fix my brain and get myself to do work has led to me banning myself from social medias (tumblr/twitter + youtube which is just a timesink). while this may be good (we'll see) for productivity it definitely makes me miss the little gay people who live in my phone (ie my only sense of social connection 😬) so. we'll see!
I also got my ice skates. They were certainly not a panacea but hopefully over time I will a) get used to them and b) be less of a mess.
My back for some reason has started hurting again? I thought this problem went away but it's back with a vengeance. IDK what I did last time that fixed it and idk what has caused it now.
What's On the Docket?
Trying to fix my life..........
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Nothing to show for this past week. I'm like one scene into ch whatever the fuck of SMST and I have hit a brick wall for the ages. I'm attempting to course correct but I'm not sure what blow to my system is necessary to get me back on track. I have like the bones of a plan for what the next scenes in this SMST chapter need to be but I have not been able to just sit down and write. Like there is something wrong with my brain! Or at least feeling like something is wrong with my brain is a self fulfilling prophecy that makes me incapable. Idk. I'm miserable though lol.
Art Update
Drew a picture. It's fine. When I'm depressed I'm much more in the mood for painting b/c it's way easier to zone out during.
Two things to report.
I read Spring Awakening (the play, not the musical). It was pretty good. I always forget how much I enjoy reading plays lol. They go by fast and they're fun to think about like "well how would I stage this" etc. In the case of this play, idfk how anyone stages it. It's lots of really short scenes.
Anyway the reason I read it is because I have had this idea of a short sidestory for WIAW, and a plot point of it involves a banned play. and one of the most famous german banned plays is Spring Awakening. I had been meaning to read it for a while anyway b/c it felt like a gap in my literary education. And when I reference Literature in my silly little fanfictions I do like to have read them for real. (When Yang and Kircheis had throwaway lines from the Odyssey, I did go and read that... and Iphigenia in Taurus for Annerose... etc.) I'm crawling on my hands and knees towards a well rounded classics education due to my desire to use classical allusions in my gay space opera fanfictions :p it's because in ItSoH I /can't/ use in-universe allusions like that, so I'm enjoying the chance to play around with IRL texts etc.
If I can find a reasonable filmed version, I'd like to see it played out also. Idk.
Other media news: I started watching Oniisama-e, not much to say about it though b/c I've only watched the first 3 eps. It's interesting so far even if I'm like, jeeze high school sucks and I'm so glad I'm not in it anymore. lmao.
Life Update
as you may be able to tell. things are not going so hot in the brain land. physically everything is fine. like my house is only medium disaster, i am ~leaving my house to do activities~, I'm trying to look at new and interesting things to activate pathways in the brain or whatever the fuck, my job is fine (I had my performance review: it was FINE), idk...
I think just for some reason I have become totally crushed and demoralized by what I perceive to be a bunch of failures on my part that literally probably nobody else cares about in the least. But I feel incapable of achieving anything the way I want to, no matter how hard I throw myself at the brick wall. it's also probably just that I'm lonely as fuck.
hm speaking of being lonely as fuck. my desire to try to fix my brain and get myself to do work has led to me banning myself from social medias (tumblr/twitter + youtube which is just a timesink). while this may be good (we'll see) for productivity it definitely makes me miss the little gay people who live in my phone (ie my only sense of social connection 😬) so. we'll see!
I also got my ice skates. They were certainly not a panacea but hopefully over time I will a) get used to them and b) be less of a mess.
My back for some reason has started hurting again? I thought this problem went away but it's back with a vengeance. IDK what I did last time that fixed it and idk what has caused it now.
What's On the Docket?
Trying to fix my life..........
- SMST ch 5 - I have 3(I think) more scenes to write. I need to get this done this week.
- SMST ch6 - this will probably also be a difficult chapter. I doubt it's getting done this week but it's on my radar as something to think about
- WIAW extra story. absolutely everyone will hate this and hate that I'm spending time on it but it's good for the soul to write garbage that people hate.
- Space Swap assignment. Luckily I got something easy, and also the deadline is a month away, so I just have to not forget about it.
- Make a gift for my skating teacher, who has been very nice to me despite me being the literal worst person to ever skate
- Swimming on Thursday. Skating on Sunday.
- I have a big pork shoulder in my fridge that I need to cook.
- Continue to be banned from social medias until next monday. Sigh.
- Try not to get distracted with random bullshit. Easier said than done.
